There were still a few tears and lots of pouting last week, but today was great. Lets hope it sets the precedence going forward. We got to the school early so she could spend a bit of time in the pre-school class which is where the kindergarten kids hang out until they go up to their own classroom at 9am. This way she can spend time with her old teachers and friends.
I did a little more probing last week to try get more info on the unhappiness and found out that "boring" wasn't quite the right word. "Inadequate" would better describe what she was feeling. Turns out there are some "rules" that the kids are expected to know, such as "stay on the sidewalk during neighbourhood walks" and "stay with your partner." I've seen these rules written on a poster on the classroom door and it's all basic safety stuff that Lauren has learned at some point, just not as "rules". I think she got anxious about having to know what they all are and thought she had to give a presentation or something. I told her that she isn't expected to know all the rules right away and that she'd learn them all in due time.
The partner rule was a little more tricky because she was partners with girl-1. She knows girl-1 from two years ago when they were in the pre-school room together, but girl-1 is a year older and was never a close friend. She doesn't dislike girl-1, but girl-1 tends to make Lauren feel inferior and said some things that hurt Lauren's feelings. She told Lauren that she "wasn't as smart as her dad" and that she was a "scaredy cat". I'm not sure about the dad comment, but Lauren did admit to me that she was scared of some things. For instance during the Mad Science demonstration, Lauren had to spend quiet time on her own in another part of the classroom because the flames were freaking her out. She also got freaked out about feeding the birds during a trip to the Botanical Gardens.
Girl-1 is also always playing with another older girl-2 that Lauren wants to spend time with, but would rather play without girl-1 being around.
I know the mother of girl-1 who is a lovely lady, and my first instinct was to ask her to ask her daughter to be nicer. But, I don't think this is the way to go. Lauren needs to speak up for herself and learn to cope. Of course I'll step in if she starts to feel harassed but I don't think it's remotely like that now. 4 & 5 year olds can say some hurtful things, but a lot of it is out of context and doesn't make a lot of sense. Often times the one saying the words quickly forgets what they were talking about.
It's makes me a bit nervous that classroom and playground politics are taking shape already. These kids are so little! What's going to happen at 11 & 12 years when words can get really nasty and feeling an emotions are reaching the peak.
Not having kids, but having been bullied in elementary school, I think there's a difference what a 4 or 5 year old will say without realizing the power in their words (I find children that age to be very blunt and honest because they just say things as they see them) and what an 11 or 12-year old will say knowing that it hurts. Something about not being as smart as Dad, is probably just really logical to girl-1. :) I like that you're going to let this ride a little, and I know you. I know you'd be perfectly able and willing to step in should this get to actual mean/bullying level.
ReplyDeleteI know not being a parent sort of makes me the wrong type of person to offer an opinion, but at the same time, the bullying is something that sticks with you making it seem real and not very long ago, and that's a subject I'm passionate about. ;) My niece was bullied - knowingly - in her first year of kindergarten last year at my old elementary school. My sister ended up switching her to another school because nothing stopped it. New school? So much better. She tried to let it play out though, but not all of the children were saying things innocently and things also got physical.
All this to say... I like how you're handling this. ;)
I think anyone can offer an opinion about bullying - especially if you've been victim to it. It stinks and I'm glad you were able to overcome it. I'm also glad that your niece is in a better place. Was any action taken by the school against the bully?
ReplyDeleteThis week has continued to be great for Lauren and there has been no mention of girl-1. It may have been an innocent passing moment amongst two little girls that will never happen again between them, or not. Time will tell.
In the meantime it's becoming a reality to me that my kids are growing up and becoming more and more exposed to new people and situations. That is what life is about after all. I'll do my best to teach them the skills to navigate through it.